Another Attack

I love my car. I decided to get a hybrid because I drive a lot (work, school, etc) and I felt it was the responsible thing to do. Yes, it may not have a lot of get-up-and-go, and some may refer to it as a go-kart (MOM), but I get 47-50 mpg and that goes a long way when gas is $3.80 per gallon. I feel like I’m doing my part to help the environment, like in that Nissan commercial where the polar bear travels thousands of miles just to give the guy a hug for doing his part to stop global warming.

So why, I ask you, is Mother Nature out to get me and Rosario (yes, I named my car after Karen’s maid on Will and Grace; don’t ask)? First, there was the now infamous Triple F incident in January. Which, by the way, my family is constantly reminding me about. Nana and I were driving home from Durham on Saturday and when we were approaching the site of “the incident” she starts singing “O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree”. Thanks Nana. I feel the love. Anyway, I was driving to town yesterday morning and had another incident. You know how sometimes birds are in the middle or the side of the road, and as you are approaching they fly away? Well this particular bird was a bit directionally challenged, or just plain stupid. He flew left, right, front, and then BAM into my windshield. My hands flew to my mouth as I shrieked in surprise (and then quickly realized I should probably keep my hands on the wheel so as to avoid yet another incident) and frantically looked in my rearview mirror to see what happened to birdy. About 2 seconds later he spiraled to the ground cartoon-style and landed with a thud. But wait! He’s moving! Maybe he’s not dead! He’s flapping his little wings with all his birdy might! Ok, so he’s not going anywhere, but he’s moving! That’s a positive sign! Ok, I thought, maybe I just stunned the crap out of him and he’ll be ok, and he’ll fly away in a few minutes. Unless of course someone else runs him over while he’s recovering on the side of the road…

I was feeling confident that birdy had flown away and was having a time telling his family how he dove kamikaze style into my windshield. I was so confident in this that I forgot to look for him when I drove home yesterday. So this morning on the way to church, I looked around for birdy. I didn’t see him around the spot where he hit me, so I was relieved and thought he was certainly ok! And then – I saw a dead CARDINAL laying on the side of the road, with one wing still stuck in the air as if to say “I surrender, I surrender!” I cannot believe this! I hit a Cardinal! The state bird of North Carolina! Surely that has to be a crime! I may as well go dig up a bunch of dogwoods or something!

I just don’t get it. I want things to stop attacking my car. I want my polar bear hug dammit!