Beach Trip

Well I just got back from my week at the beach with the family. Here are some things that I learned:

Staying oceanfront is pretty much full of awesomeness. I have been spoiled.

Apparently in addition to being the whitest person ever who always burns and never tans, I am now also allergic to the sun. Well, either the sun or my sunscreen, or a combination of the two. By the second day my arms and legs were covered in a rash. I mean really, who does this happen to? Me, that’s who.

Water fights on the beach are super fun. What is not super fun is when Sam shoots the water squirter gun thingy directly to the side of my face 8 times in a row, after I repeatedly shout “not the face! Not the face!” Even better, he was filling up his water squirter gun thingy by sticking it on the bottom, therefore sucking up a lot of sand with the water. Which he then squirted in my ear. Like 8 times. I spent 3 days getting sand out of my ear.

Something else that is not super fun is when your sister is slinging a bucket of water on you and loses her footing (in like 6 inches of water). And clobbers you in the head with a big ass bucket of water. I fell down and saw a few stars, and had a pretty good bump on my head. Still not sure what I did to deserve that one.

Know what is super fun? Getting Mom in on the water fight. She had been watching us from her chair and even when we walked towards her with buckets full of water she still didn’t move. I’m pretty sure she was thinking, “there’s no way they’ll dump that water on me, I’m sitting here in my chair, on my towel, in my cover up, completely dry”. I think I was mid-sentence explaining to her what was about to happen, and here comes Sam out of nowhere and he dumps a bucket right in her lap! Classic.

To the lady who was 9 months pregnant – I do not need to see you in a bikini on the beach. Period. Watching you waddle back and forth to the water and get knocked around by the waves in a bikini is a disturbing sight. And, I cannot concentrate on relaxing or reading my book when I’m trying to figure out which lifeguard stand is the closest for when I have to run and get help when you go into labor. In your bikini.

To the half-dressed 20-somethings running at night – I do not appreciate you running back and forth in front of me while I am sitting at the ice cream stand enjoying my orange sherbet. There are better ways to be discrete in convincing me I'm out of shape and need to exercise.

Do not be too lazy to get up and mix your own drink. If you ask your sister to do it for you, you will be sorry. I take great pride in being the bartender extraordinaire on our beach trips (not quite as good as Tom Cruise a la Cocktail, but close). This particular night I was too lazy to get up from our game at the table and walk the 3 feet to the counter and mix a drink. So I ask Ashley to do it. Mis.take. Not only does she use the Bacardi Rum instead of the Coconut Rum, but she paid no attention (read: she was talking) while she was pouring it. It was pretty much rum with a splash of juice. She had to split it into two cups and then fill with more juice, and it still would have put hair on your chest.

The good part about that drink is that we gave it to Mom and were seriously entertained for the next hour and a half. She said things like “World War Woo” instead of “World War Two”. Apparently alliteration is easier than proper speaking when you're having a drinky drink.

And last but not least, I need a vacation from my vacation. I’ve been home for 2 days now and I’m still not completely unpacked. I blame it on the fact that Gabby has been sleeping on my suitcase and I don’t want to disturb her. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm completely lazy and have been sucked into watching Shark Week on Discovery Channel.