Jeepers Creepers

I was planning to go to bed early tonight, because I have an eye doctor appointment first thing in the morning. But, it is crazy storming right now and there’s no way I can sleep when I need to listen for tornados so I know when to dash to the closet. And my bed is right between the two windows in my room so it is literally storming on my head when I lay down (and no, it is not the same as going to sleep to the sound of rain from a machine. This is angry rain. Slamming into the side of my house on either side of my head). Anyway, I figure I can update my blog in the meanwhile.

I think the bug/insect/creepy-crawly community is out to get me. I don’t know what I did to you, which one of your friends I smooshed accidentally (or intentionally), but I do not appreciate the revenge coming at me.

Yesterday when I got home from work, I got my stuff out of my car and walked up the steps to my garage door as per usual. And then something slithered across the top step. No, it wasn’t a snake (thank GOD) but it was a lizard. A scary, fire-breathing (I’m assuming), slithering lizard. I screamed when I saw it and that scared it off the steps and behind some boxes. I went in the house quickly and tried to shake off my heebie jeebies. And in all my heebie jeebie-ness, all I could think about was how it could totally get into the house if it wanted to, and how much destruction would happen when tweedle dum and tweedle dee would try to catch him. Oy.

I came back outside shortly after that to mow grass. I proceeded with caution because I was convinced that Mr. Lizard had now climbed onto my lawnmower and was waiting for me to sit down, and then he would jump on my leg and attack me like a komodo dragon. But nothing happened. Whew. I mowed the grass pretty much without incident. However I do not appreciate whatever bug crawled in my shirt and bit me on my back, where I cannot reach, and it itches like crazy. Thanks for that. I am not a contortionist.

Then today I am walking to my car after work and I get on the elevator in the parking garage. Imagine my surprise when I look down to see an enormous, gigantic, almost certainly mutated, probably hybrid reptile, looks-like-spawn-of-Aragog-from-Harry-Potter-movies spider inside the elevator with me. EEEEEEK!!!!! It is looking at me. Planning an attack. Is it distracting me while another one is descending upon my head?! All of a sudden I am certain I feel tiny baby spiders crawling all over me, they must have jumped on me with some kind of ninja-like spider move, yes I’m certain of it! OH MY GOD this is the longest 10 second elevator ride EVER and that HUMONGOUS spider is still staring at me!!

I finally escaped and walked all the way to my car doing this funny little dance because I felt like creepy crawlies were all over me. Whoever watches that security footage ought to get a kick out of that.