O Christmas Tree

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…. With kids jingle bell-ing and everyone telling you 'be of good cheer'…”

More like “…When people are yelling while Black Friday shopping to get the best deal…”

Either way, Christmas time is here! I’ll admit that I put my tree up early this year, before Thanksgiving… which I’ve never done. But really, I didn’t decorate it until this week so it wasn’t technically ‘up’ it was just ‘there’. I decided I’d let the girls get used to it for a while before I hung shiny dangly things all over it that were sure to be quite tempting. So far though, I’ve been quite impressed. The small tree in my bedroom is still standing and with all of its ornaments intact. My large tree has been up and decorated in my living room for 48 hours now and is still standing with all ornaments intact. Strange… who are these kitties and what have they done with my havoc-wreaking furballs? I think it is the calm before the storm… I’m sure Hurricane Gabby and Tropical Storm Izzy will blow through eventually. After all, the tree skirt was only down about 12 hours before one of them threw up on it; I’m sure there is worse to come.

And don’t expect bows on my presents this year. I learned that lesson last year. In fact, I think it will just be gift bags all around this year. Remember this?

With it being Christmas and all, it is natural that I am starting to see Christmas trees everywhere. In parking lots, at the grocery store, through people’s windows, in the beds of pick up trucks…. It’s this last one that makes me nervous and honestly start to twitch a little bit. For the last week I have had eagle eyes on the lookout for Triple F’s (if you are new to my blog and don’t know about the dangers of a FFF, you can read about them here). Obviously I am sensitive to this issue, being a victim of a Triple F myself. I can still hear the sound in my head of that Triple FFF ripping off the underside of my car. Shudder. It also doesn’t help that anytime my family is driving past the scene of the crime (yes, whoever that jerk was that threw a tree in the road committed a CRIME in my book) they feel the need to call me and sing ‘O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree’. Good times. Anyway, as a service to myself and public service to others, I am committed to calling attention to the dangers of Triple F’s. I have my eyes peeled as I’m driving, constantly aware of my surroundings and always on the lookout for any sweet pine smelling trees of car death. Yesterday while driving home I passed a truck with a Christmas tree in the back, with the tailgate up. I honked my horn at him for a job well done. Good lookin’ out, sir! Keep fighting the good fight!

Okay. So maybe that last part was embellished for the sake of good story telling. If I had honked at him he probably would have thought I was crazy, and waved back at me with a half-hearted I-don’t-know-you-crazy-lady wave, in which case I would have been embarrassed and sped ahead of him to relieve said embarrassment, and inevitably gotten pulled for speeding. So, let’s just pretend I honked at him.

Next up for this weekend – wrapping some presents. Wish me luck!

The Kitty Saga: Breaking Kelly Part I

The girls are testing me lately. I thought that once they turned 2 years old things would calm down a little, because they would be out of their ‘kitten stage’.  But since Gabby and Izzy think they are humans (or at least human-like) anyway, it would make perfect sense that they are now in their terrible two’s rather than well on their way to laid-back kittyhood. Of course as I write this they are completely defying everything I am saying about them, as they sleep soundly curled up on the couch and living room floor, looking all innocent and sweet. Don’t be fooled. The witching hour is near.

Most people this time of year are making Christmas lists; I am making a list of things to kitty-proof my home. Toddlers, anyone? I have decided to get those baby cabinet-locker-outers because Gabby will not stay out of my cabinets. Kitchen cabinets, bathroom cabinets, she doesn’t have a preference. Mainly if it’s closed, she’s going to open it. Except she can’t get it open on the first try. So I hear thump, thump, thump, thump, as she pulls it open a few inches and it shuts, over and over and over, thump, thump, thump. I have come to the conclusion that she does this for no reason other than because she can, because she has no problem getting it open wide enough to get her fat tail inside after the 15^th try. I come home from work and it looks like invisible people have been rifling through my kitchen cabinets, 2 or 3 left open here and there (because she doesn’t close them after she rifles through them of course). She prefers to go through my bathroom cabinets at precisely the time I’m good and settled under the covers and about to drift off to sleep. Maybe she thinks I like hearing the gentle thump, thump, thump as she tries to open the door. Sigh. I realize in the grand scheme of life this is not a big deal. But in the grand scheme that is dealing with my ‘children’ it is annoying to say the least.

It sounds like all of my complaining is about Gabby (sorry Gabs). So what has Izzy done lately? Well, as I’m being invaded by ladybugs she is being a little too inquisitive about chasing them. Like, sitting on the back of the couch ready to jump on top of my curio cabinet that is by the way holding my handmade in Italy glassware that we won’t even talk about how much I paid for. Uh, yeah. Heart attack. So ladybugs, please move on. Judging by the claw marks on the wall at the same height as the top of the window, she can jump that high and you aren’t safe on the ceiling.

I got out my Christmas decorations this past weekend, planning to decorate a little at a time so that I could take my time with it. In reality it is probably so that I do not overwhelm Mo and Curly with the sudden display of what I’m sure they see as ‘new things to knock over and destroy play with’. I started out with my little Christmas tree for my room, it is about 2 or 3 feet tall so not very big. I put it up last night so today was the first day they were alone in the house with the new temptation decoration. I got home from work today, expecting to evidence of their destruction strewn all the way to the kitchen. No ornaments in sight, and I was feeling pretty confident. Way to go girls! Then I get back to my bedroom, and the tree is teetering eversoclose to the edge of the table, and there is an ornament on the floor. Ah-ha! So they were tempted. Still, everything was mostly still in tact so I was sort of impressed. I moved the tree back in to place, gave a pointless speech to Gabby and Izzy about leaving the tree alone, and left to go to church. I returned a few hours later to find the tree in the exact same balancing-on-the-edge-of-destruction spot as before. Hmm. I think I’ll have to start closing my bedroom door while I’m gone.

On sort of a more positive note, they have reminded me lately of how sweet they can be. My Granny Sarah passed away recently, and it was very sudden. As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, it leaves such a hole in your heart. I think pets are very sensitive to how we are feeling, especially when we are feeling bad. And that is saying a lot for cats, because they are quite self-centered and proud of it. They have both been particularly snuggly lately, and that has been comforting. A few days ago I brought home Granny Sarah’s rocking chair from her living room and the girls quickly laid claim to it. I think Granny Sarah would be pleased; a love for cats is something she and I always had in common. 

Simon's Cat

Here is another somewhat lazy blog, but I found these to be hilarious and wanted to share. I had seen this first video before (posted again here in case you missed my facebook post) and it so reminds me of Gabby. Who knew there were tons MORE videos like this?!? I think they're funny, and hopefully you'll get a laugh or two out of it.

Gabby, by the way, woke me up yesterday morning by jumping on top of my chest of drawers (which she is not supposed to do) and then trying to pull a picture off the wall with both paws. Really?

Curiosity (Almost) Killed the Cat

Gabby is definitely the entertainment of our little family. She is bossy, independent, sassy, and totally thinks she is in charge of the household. She smacks Izzy around a good bit and puts her in her place most of the time. Now that they are two years old Gabby has become increasingly defiant of the word ‘No’. Dealing with her reminds me of the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. She does as she damn well pleases; no matter how many times I put her down off the table, she is going to turn right around and jump back up. All the while making this little purring/meow sound that totally sounds like she is mouthing off to me (Mom, are you happy? I did end up with one just like me).  As independent as she is, she can’t stand it when I go to a part of the house without her. Mostly because she is so nosy. Bags on the counter? Let me stick my head in there. Hey what’s this? I’ll just take that and chew on it, thanks. You didn’t want that on the floor? Too bad, I did. Ooo! ClosetdoorisopenI'mgoingtojumpinsidesofastandknockthingsdownofftheshelves. That last one is especially fun. I think she is convinced I have a trap door in the bathroom that I will sneak out of and never come back, because holy cow if I go in there and shut the door she all but grabs the doorknob and opens the door. If I am walking down the hall she has to be first. She’ll come flying from behind me and run to get ahead of me. But not straight down one side of the hall, oh no. She waits until she’s beside me and then cuts across thiscloseinfrontofmyfeet and runs diagonally to the other side. Then she stops to stretch while I am cursing and regaining my footing from tripping over her. And, when she feels neglected, she’ll just reach out and grab my leg. With her claws.

So, based on her demanding personality alone, she tends to get more attention than Izzy. Mostly because I still have a hard time getting Izzy to come close to me most days. This progress was set back again last month when we had to make 2 trips to the vet ($$$ shoot me now) for a bladder infection that required about 3 weeks of twice daily antibiotics. Oh, and special food. That Gabby can’t have. Which means I have to feed them in separate rooms. Super! Needless to say Izzy got quite a bit of attention from me in those few weeks. It was a twice daily routine of shutting all the doors, chasing her down the hall, shoving her in the bathroom, give her medicine (this was the easiest part – go figure), shove her in another room, fix her special food, and feed her while she’s locked up in a separate room. Great plan right? Almost. Izzy wouldn’t eat while she was in there alone. So I had to go sit with her. Only she wouldn’t eat consistently, she would eat a few bites and come for me to pet her. Then eat a few bites and come for me to pet her. Meanwhile, Ms. Nosy Britches was having a FIT outside the door, meowing and scratching away. Guys? Hey guys? What’s going on in there? How come I can’t come? Hello? Guys? Then her paws would come under the door and she would scratch at the bottom and inside of the door. Like actually breaking off small pieces of wood from the bottom of the door. So then Izzy is all like hey what’s that, I have to check that out! And she’s distracted from eating. So I go back and forth between trying to force Izzy to eat, petting her, and swatting Gabby’s paws away so that she doesn’t distract Iz. Repeat 238479238 times. Twice a day. Funnnnn.

Needless to say, Gabby is the one almost always providing the entertainment. Which is why I was so surprised last night when Izzy was the one who made me laugh so hard I was practically crying. I was hosting a Beauti Control party at my house and we were all sitting around the kitchen table getting makeovers. Gabby has of course been in here since the consultant arrived, snooping in all of her stuff and being her usual prissy self. Izzy eventually made her way back to the front of the house because I’m guessing curiosity and loneliness got the best of her. We are sitting at the table, chatting away, when we hear a ruckus in the living room. Izzy has been snooping in some of the bags (like paper shopping bags with a stiff handle at the top) and has gotten her head stuck in one of them. And she is WIGGING OUT. She comes FLYING through the kitchen behind us, runs into the other part of the kitchen, slamming into cabinets at every turn, makes another loop around the kitchen, claws scraping the floor the whole time because she can’t get traction on the kitchen floor, and now the bag has ripped down the side because she got it stuck on something as she flew by, so the bag is now flying long-ways behind her like a cape with the handle around her neck, meanwhile Gabby is trying to chase her but she is nowhere near as fast as Izzy so she is basically just running in an aimless circle, then Izzy flies into the kitchen again but because the bag is throwing her off balance even more now she SLAMS into the stove because she couldn’t make the turn, and then takes off down the hall with the cape bag flying high in the wind. And this all happened in about 3 seconds. It was serious Mighty-Mouse-style.

We.were.laughing.so.hard.

Once I get calmed down a bit from laughing so hard, I finally find her on the other side of my bed, still very much freaked out. I try to reach for her and she dives under the bed. So I go to the other side and she runs to the opposite side. We do this for a few minutes (meanwhile I am still laughing uncontrollably, because I can see her makeshift cape up close and it really is that funny) until she finally stops and I can get close enough to snatch it off from around her neck. Poor thing stayed in my room the rest of the night! Of course, something like that had to happen to my cat that is already so skittish. Although I’m sure if it had happened to Gabby, she would have pranced her fatty tail right up to me and demanded I take it off.

So that is the tale of Izzy Busy and the Attack of the Scary Bag Cape. Ooo, sounds like a children’s book, yes?? Ok maybe not, but I could totally write about these girls and their crazy antics. My next venture is to set up a camera to figure out why I have found claw marks on the wall as high up as the top of my windows. And on the top of my curio cabinet. Seriously??? I've heard of flying squirrels but this is a bit ridiculous.

And yes, I’m completely glossing over the fact that it’s been about 3 months since my last blog post. 

A Whole New Experience

Last week I took a trip to Whole Foods for the first time. I was on the hunt for organic lightly salted blue corn tortilla chips that I had at a work party and fell deliciously in love with. They are amazingly good. Anyway, I realized there was a Whole Foods a few blocks from work and I could not only seek out my beloved new chips but also explore a new store. Off I went, arriving just before 5:00 and parking far away from the door. Surely all of these people weren’t in Whole Foods, I was sure at least half of them were in Ben and Jerry’s considering it was so hot. Feeling particularly optimistic I grabbed one of the big push shopping carts instead of one of the hand held ones because I just knew I was going to find all kinds of particularly fantastic whole-foody things to buy in there. Once I walked in I immediately regretted my choice of shopping cart. 

To say the place was a zoo was an understatement. Apparently no one was in Ben and Jerry’s lets just put it that way. I pushed my way around the produce section, having mini-strokes and heart attacks all along the way as I glanced at the prices. $8 for some strawberries?! Now granted, they were the most beautiful, scrumptious looking strawberries I had ever seen, but still… $8?! For that much they better come with chocolate and whip cream and a very cute man-servant to feed them to me. Trying to maneuver my way around the store was nearly impossible with my shopping cart given the fact that everyone and their mom/husband/loud child was there and the fact that they had packed about 10 aisles worth of products too many in that building. I had only been in there 5 minutes and had already almost knocked over a glorious display of organic peaches. I probably would have been charged a re-stocking fee had I knocked them over. I decided to leave the produce section and make my way across the store aisle by aisle. Once again I realized the mistake of my shopping cart as I kept apologizing for almost running into people. People who by the way looked extremely annoyed that I appeared to be browsing with an empty cart rather than mad-dashing around the store going for the exact organic-natural-taste-free thing I wanted. It was around this time that I started to feel out of place carrying my Coach purse and wearing my Jack Rogers. 

Everywhere I looked I saw words like organic, natural, flax seed, soy, unsweetened, gogi, acai. My optimistic attitude was quickly leaving me and all I could think was fake, fake, fake. Then I stopped in front of the vegan display and saw this: rice vegan block, cheddar flavor. A flavored block? For serious? Not only that, but it was cholesterol, lactose, dairy, and soy free. What does that leave? A cheddar flavored block. A block of what exactly??  Hi, I’d like to order a blockburger please. No thank you. Moving on. Feeling quite defeated I made my way to the other side of the store where I saw an entire humongous display of cheese. Real cheese. Cue the bright light and angel choir. There’s hope after all! And there were samples… mmm this was better than Costco!  I settled on some kind of cheese from Ireland that I had never heard of but was rather tasty when I sampled it. I’m sure my fellow shoppers were much less annoyed with me now that I was not pushing around a completely empty cart anymore. I eventually found the chip aisle and found the chips I was there to get in the first place. Feeling even more accomplished and successful I went back to the meat department to have a look around. I’m not really sure what happened at this point, I think I was still on a high of finding real cheese and my yummy chips and sort of spaced out. Before I knew it I was putting a wild basil and goat cheese salmon burger into my cart. Do I even know how to cook a salmon burger? No. But I like goat cheese, and I was particularly intrigued by this wild basil. I mean what makes it wild anyway, is it because of where it grows or is it a total party herb and the black sheep of the herb family? Curious. But I digress. 

I made my way to the front to check out and got in line. Most stores I usually go in have candy, gum, and a magazine with Angelina Jolie on the cover at the checkout line. Here, they have stuff like organic ethanol eucalyptus and Echinacea (apparently Echinacea is pretty important because my auto-correct in Word keeps capitalizing it). I look around at the other lines and notice people pulling out their own reusable bags to put their groceries in to take home. I start to feel like a total jack-ass for coming to this natural and organic product store and not considering the environment and wonder if I will be black listed for having to use their paper bags.  Luckily I made it out without incident with my cheese, chips, and wild salmon burger in tow. Assuming you consider almost running into about 15 people and almost knocking over about 5 different displays “without incident”.

The best part? In the freezer section, right next to the dairy and soy free ice cream, were little pints of Ben and Jerry’s. Hope is restored. 

Lazy Blog

So it's been a while, big surprise. I've already confessed to not being so good at updating anymore, which is ironic considering my amounts of free time lately. I need to update on my gall bladder surgery, my birthday, 4th of July, and anything else that has happened in the last month. But instead, I opted for another photo blog. I've been going through some old pictures lately and became inspired. So, enjoy.

My first birthday. I just like this one because my Dad looks 12. And thanks for the shirt! 

Sigh. When you're the second child, you're forced into hand-me-downs....

....and bathing in the lake. 

You talkin' about MY sand castle? 

Lazy babysitter. 

I got a fur coat! I got a fur coat! and I'm THISEXCITEDTHATIGOTAFURCOAT!!!!

Apparently the Easter Bunny thought Ashley would make a good quarterback. 

What? Daddy said it was okay for me to sit on the table. 

Something tells me I wasn't enjoying the ice skating. 

The Duck Whisperer. With chicken legs. 

I don't even know where to start. The plaid, the braces, the hat, oh my. Big thanks to my friends who stuck with me through my awkward phase. 

Stirrup pants and a Christmas sweater. Need I say more? 

We're Duke fans. 

I have since perfected this look even more. 

I like this for 3 reasons: the crazed look on Ashley's face, her shoes, and the ginormous alphabet sheets hanging in the background. 

Now that I have sufficiently and completely embarrassed myself, the end. 

Busy Busy Busy... Sike!

Well, one thing is for sure. I am not going to make a career out of blogging, because it is obvious from the time since my last post that I am not very diligent about it. But seriously? I’ve been too busy doing nothing to have time to write!

First up – graduation. Cue the marching band, fireworks, and choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus. No more school! No more books! No more having no life because I’m busy with school! Ok so I changed the words a bit. Graduation day was fun, and it was actually kind of a blur because I was so anxious to leave because I had somewhere else to be that night.  The only hitch was when they made me take the decorations off of my cap. I mean really? Not only had we been sitting in that room, waiting, and then lining up, and then waiting, for a total of 2 hours before someone said something to me about it… but the homepage to the school’s WEBSITE had a picture of a girl in a graduation cap that said “hi mom!”.  My first instinct was to say no way was I taking it off. Instead I simply said (with no attitude at all of course) “well what if I don’t want to take it off?” to which she replied “I am just a messenger but these are the rules” or some B.S. like that, to which I replied “well if they are in fact rules then perhaps they should be distributed to the graduates with the graduation info and perhaps your website shouldn’t advertise decorating graduation caps!” Bleh and hmpf. And then I took off the decorations I’d spent the night before making on my cricut. I really wanted to refuse to take them off, considering how much money and years I had spent for that $@#% degree, and I figured that would mean I couldn’t walk or participate in the ceremony but by golly I would stand up for what I believed! Instead I took off the decorations, but only because my family was sitting out in the audience and I figured they would be pissed if they came all the way to the middle of nowhere to watch random people graduate.

Next up – dance recital. After zooming home as soon as graduation was over, we made it back to town just in time for a huge thunderstorm  (complete with hail and pouring rain so hard that Dad had to drive 25 mph, all the while I’m yelling “the suburban can take it! Go go go!”) . Once we made it through the storm I got to the recital just in time for intermission, so I didn’t miss nearly as much as I thought I would. The next few days and the week that followed were pretty emotional, because this was my last recital. I’ve decided not to teach dance anymore; 7 years has been a good run but it was time for things to end. There was a lot of crying, a lot of guilt, and more crying and guilt. Most importantly I had a great last recital with wonderful girls that I will never forget. As Forrest says, that’s all I have to say about that.

In the weeks that followed I found myself in unfamiliar territory.  All in the same weekend my two extracurricular activities were finished. Now I just go to work. And then come home. It’s amazing! My house looks nice in the afternoon light. My cats are wondering why I have so much time for them. And when I want to go and do something, whether it be run errands at CVS or grab dinner with a friend,  I CAN. And it’s awesome.

So now that things outside of work have calmed down considerably, things at work have been kicked up a notch. I’m going to be doing some new things now and have been training for the last few weeks while trying to keep up with my normal responsibilities. Stress?  Check. But I’d rather be so busy I can’t stand it than not have much to do. So I’m managing okay. In the meantime, tomorrow I’m having surgery to have my gallbladder removed. You know, just to up the ante since things are so calm and all. I’ve been seeing doctors and having tests done since January so hopefully after tomorrow I’ll be rid of the pain that’s been bothering me for the last 6 months.  It’s a bit unsettling because basically they just ruled other things out, and said there’s a 70-80% chance that it’s my gallbladder. Well that’s all well and good Mr. Doctor-man, but for my Type-A-slightly-controlling-OCD-self, I would prefer 100% guarantees. But apparently I can't get everything that I want, or so I'm told. Here’s hoping I’m not that 20%! Otherwise I’m going to wish I hadn’t done it.