I went to
In the 3 hours before my flight leaves: the plane changes departure gates 3 times. Who’s in charge of scheduling at RDU? I think you may need some efficiency training.
Walking to board my plane: What’s that say? American Eagle? Um, I thought I was flying American Airlines… oh wait, no propellers, so we’re still in business.
Walking on the plane: BAM. Ok, I have to duck walking down the aisle. Can’t WAIT to see how much leg room I have. Oh look! There’s our flight attendant. She looks like she just had her 12th birthday, awesome. I’m on a little ass plane with a 12 year old flight attendant. And she’s reading her speech from note cards, so this is probably her first flight since she graduated from I Can Fly flight attendant preschool.
Safety speech: Have you ever paid attention to the speech about the oxygen mask? It tells you how to put it on and then says “Continue to breathe normally.” Ha! Really?! ‘Cause I’m totally going to sit back, relax, and breathe normally while the plane goes down. Rapid acceleration towards the ground wouldn’t cause me to hyperventilate AT ALL.
Taxiing out on the runway: Day-uuum that UPS plane is the biggest plane I’ve ever seen! What’s that over there? A Fed-Ex plane? Can’t tell because it’s totally not as humongous as the UPS plane. UPS, you just got a little bit cooler to me, and I’ve always been a Fed-Ex kinda girl. Nice.
Guy next to me: (read: on top of me because we have so.much.room.) He’s doing his Sudoku puzzle in pen. That’s hardcore.
Mr. Hardcore Sudoku: he turns on his air and since we’re so cozy it’s blowing on me too. Thanks, I totally want to breathe re-circulated air at full blast for the next hour and a half.
Haha, wonder what would happen if I said the word “bomb” right now?
After take off: wonder if the pilot sees that dark cloud of death that we are about to disappear into? Oh, a little turbulence you say? No worries. A few bumps and several dry heaves later and I’m feeling just great.
Conspiracy: I’m convinced the air on this plane is laced with something to make everyone go to sleep (probably to keep 12 year old flight attendants from having to do any work). It happens every time I fly. I cannot hold my eyes open anymore and we haven’t been off the ground 10 minutes. Plus the roar of the engines just puts me OUT. Yes… there has got to be something in the air, I’m sure of it. Oh wait, it is probably the anti-nausea pill I took. That definitely makes more sense.
About half an hour later: I feel a breeze at my feet. OH.MY.GOD there’s a hole in the plane. Papers are going to start flying around and things will get sucked out of the plane and the oxygen masks are going to pop out any second and I’ll have to continue to breathe normally. Oh wait, I think it’s just the air from McBreezy next to me.
Did you know that Sharpie pens do not perform well at high altitudes in pressurized airplane cabins? Yeah, I got mine out to jot some things down and it was oozing black bubbly liquid when I took the top off.
Ok, so I make it to
Taxi to hotel: We are in traffic. Stop and go. Stop and go. For 50 minutes. And Mr. I-play-weird-music Taxi Driver likes to gun it each time traffic lets up for 10 feet and then stops again. Ohhhh I think my pill has worn off. Just close your eyes. No, don’t close your eyes, he might think you are asleep, or you might actually fall asleep, and he will go rogue and kidnap you. Say prayer instead. God please make it stop, God please make it stop, God please make it stop…
Notice a sign in the taxi that says “this taxi is under video surveillance”. What is this, Taxi Cab Confessions?
I made it! I’m alive! And this hotel is pretty kick-ass! (And by kick-ass I mean expensive and Duke is paying the tab! Woop!)
I decide to walk a few blocks to
Manage to cross enormously crowded street of death. Not even one block from the hotel yet, and I’m walking over broken glass and a dead bird on the sidewalk. I heart
Walk another block past the abandoned scary parking lot and witness possible drug deal/sketchy exchange in a Buick. Begin to wonder if this was a smart idea.
Make it to
Quickly realize I am on the not-so-magnificent SOUTH end of
Oh look! A white feather just floated down in front of me. I so feel like Forrest Gump! And now I have that theme song in my head for the next 30 minutes.
I find a sports bar to have dinner, which goes rather smoothly, and then I head back to the hotel. On the way back I do not witness another drug deal thank goodness. I did however see several more white feathers floating a la Forrest Gump, and begin to feel not so special about my feather from before.
Walking down the sidewalk: Why is that car stopped there. Just keep walking, you’re fine. Ok, so he’s getting out of the car… and going to the trunk. OH GOD he’s getting a tire iron to knock me over the head and put me in the trunk to kidnap me. Quick, do something to look undesirable. Or he needed that piece of paper he left in here. Ok, all is well.
Day 2: very boring meeting all day. Done around 4pm, time for sightseeing. Yeah! I decide to take a taxi down to Navy Pier and spend a couple of hours there.
Riding in the taxi: We are driving past some very interesting sights; statues, museums, the aquarium, and oh what’s that over there? I say to the driver, “Is that a stadium over there?” thinking that surely he will not only answer me but he’ll tell me what it is and a fun fact or two. Driver says to me, “Yep.” I decide he is obviously not into conversation, and to avoid being kidnapped I shut my mouth.
Navy Pier: is awesome! So much fun. Paid $6 to ride on the Ferris Wheel. Paid $4 for a beer that was about 5” tall. Took TONS of pictures. It’s pretty funny to look at them, because I would take a picture of something and then turn around and try to take a picture of myself in front of said object. I was a fanny-pack away from being a Super Tourist. (I’m not gonna lie, on the Ferris Wheel I had my camera in one hand and my blackberry in the other, both taking pictures. Luckily I was in a car by myself)
Feathers: See tons of white feathers floating all around at Navy Pier. Is there some sort of ritual bird slaughter going on that I don’t know about?
Once I have pictured myself out, I grab a taxi back to the hotel. This driver is on his cell phone (which by the way, is in direct violation of the “as a passenger, you have these rights” sign that is in the back of every taxi) talking about the NBA. (At this point I was hanging out the window taking pictures. Fanny pack tourist I tell ya) He probably didn’t need to use the gas pedal because I’m sure the bass alone would have bumped us on down the street. When we almost wreck into another taxi, he begins cussing like a sailor and literally says to me “hang on tight”. Awesome. Then, he totally starts chatting it up with me: Where are you from? Do you like our city? Have you been here before? You should check out the planetarium! I think he was afraid I was not going to leave a tip.
Day 3, taxi to airport: I see tons and tons of white feathers flying around everywhere. SERIOUSLY WHAT IS UP WITH THE FEATHERS.
All in all, a really fun trip. Except that I didn’t see Jen Lancaster and I was totally stalking her out the whole time. I had already decided what I would say to her when I randomly spotted her somewhere in
Guess that will have to wait until the next
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